View source for User4/draft/Are BoyLovers Pedophiles?

According to the characteristics described below regarding pedophiles, BoyLovers are ''not'' pedophiles! Research has shown that young people (including children) ''do'' act seductively towards adults, that BoyLovers ''do not'' suffer from psychopathia, that BoyLovers ''do'' demonstrate great empathy towards their "young friends," that BoyLovers ''do'' tend to be very good at reading the body language of their "young friends," and that the BoyLover's blaming of society for the problems BoyLovers tend to experience ''is an accurate portrayal'' of the current situation in society.

Therefore, '''''BoyLovers ''are not'' pedophiles!'''''

Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html

Pedophiles seem to have narcissistic and antisocial (psychopathic) traits. They lack empathy for their victims and express no remorse for their actions. They are in denial and, beingpathological confabulators, they rationalize their transgressions, claiming that the children were merely being educated for their own good and, anyhow, derived great pleasure from it.

The pedophile's ego-syntony rests on his alloplastic defenses. He generally tends to blame others (or the world or the "system") for his misfortunes, failures, and deficiencies.Pedophiles frequently accuse their victims of acting promiscuously, of "coming on to them", of actively tempting, provoking, and luring (or even trapping) them.

The pedophile - similar to the autistic patient - misinterprets the child's body language and inter-personal cues. His social communication skills are impaired and he fails to adjust information gained to the surrounding circumstances (for instance, to the kid's age and maturity).

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html) 

https://archive.org/details/PedophileNarcissistNarcissismPedophiliaAndHebephilia


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==The following is a curious collection of fact and fiction==

1.    Pedophilia

Click HERE to Watch the Video

<sup>this is fact</sup>Pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent children and <sup>this is fiction</sup>act on their sexual fantasies. <sup>this is fact</sup>It is a startling fact that the etiology of this paraphilia is unknown. <sup>this is fact</sup>Pedophiles come from all walks of life and have no common socio-economic background. <sup>this is fact</sup>Contrary to media-propagated myths, most of them had not been sexually abused in childhood and <sup>this is fiction</sup>the vast majority of pedophiles are also drawn to adults of the opposite sex (are heterosexuals).

<sup>this is simi-fiction</sup>Only a few belong to the Exclusive Type - the ones who are tempted solely by kids. <sup>this is fact</sup>Nine tenths of all pedophiles are male. <sup>this is fact</sup>They are fascinated by preteen females, teenage males, or (more rarely) both.

<sup>this is fact</sup>Moreover, at least one fifth (and probably more) of the population have pedophiliac fantasies. <sup>this is suppostion</sup>The prevalence of child pornography and child prostitution prove it. <sup>this is only sometimes true</sup>Pedophiles start out as "normal" people and are profoundly shocked and distressed to discover their illicit sexual preference for the prepubertal. <sup>this is misleading--many discover their sexuality very young--there is no "transition"</sup>The process and mechanisms of transition from socially acceptable sexuality to much-condemned (and criminal) pedophilia are still largely mysterious.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>Pedophiles seem to have narcissistic and antisocial (psychopathic) traits. <sup>this is fiction</sup>They lack empathy for their victims and express no remorse for their actions. <sup>this is fiction</sup>They are in denial and, <sup>this is fiction</sup>being pathological confabulators, they <sup>this is distorsion--it is ''not'' rationalization--it is fact</sup>rationalize their transgressions, claiming that the children were merely being educated for their own good and, anyhow, derived great pleasure from it.

<sup>this is bullshit</sup>The pedophile's ego-syntony rests on his alloplastic defenses. <sup>this is fact, if the pedophiles problems ''are'' [sociogenic]</sup>He generally tends to blame others (or the world or the "system") for his misfortunes, failures, and deficiencies. <sup>this is false--the "victims" ''do'' often exhibit interest in sex</sup>Pedophiles frequently accuse their victims of acting promiscuously, of "coming on to them", of actively tempting, provoking, and luring (or even trapping) them.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile - similar to the autistic patient - misinterprets the child's body language and inter-personal cues. <sup>this is fiction</sup>His social communication skills are impaired and he fails to adjust information gained to the surrounding circumstances (for instance, to the kid's age and maturity).

<sup>this is fiction</sup>Coupled with his lack of empathy, this recurrent inability to truly comprehend others cause the pedophile to <sup>this is fiction</sup>objectify the targets of his lasciviousness. <sup>this is fiction</sup>Pedophilia is, in essence, auto-erotic. <sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile uses children's bodies to masturbate with. <sup>this is highly misleading, as there are few real-life opportunities for pedophiles to enter into desired relationships </sup>Hence the success of the Internet among pedophiles: it offers disembodied, anonymous, masturbatory sex. Children in cyberspace are mere representations - often nothing more than erotic photos and screen names.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>It is crucial to realize that pedophiles are not enticed by the children themselves, by their bodies, or by their budding and nubile sexuality (remember Nabokov's Lolita?). <sup>this is fiction</sup>Rather, pedophiles are drawn to what children symbolize, to what preadolescents stand for and represent. <sup>this is fiction</sup>With the advent of Feminism and gender-equality, women have lost their traditional role as socially-acceptable and permissible sexual "child-substitutes" (except in Japan). <sup>this is fiction</sup>This social upheaval may account for the rise in pedophilia across the world.

(continued below)

This article appears in my book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"

To the pedophile ...

I. Sex with children is "free" and "daring"

<sup>this is fiction</sup>Sex with subteens implies freedom of action with impunity. <sup>this is fiction</sup>It enhances the pedophile's magical sense of omnipotence and immunity. <sup>this is fiction</sup>By defying the authority of the state and the edicts of his culture and society, the pedophile experiences an adrenaline rush to which he gradually becomes addicted. <sup>this is fiction</sup>Illicit sex becomes the outlet for his urgent need to live dangerously and recklessly.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile is on a quest to reassert control over his life. <sup>this is highly misleading</sup>Studies have consistently shown that pedophilia is associated with anomic states (war, famine, epidemics) and with major life crises (failure, relocation, infidelity of spouse, separation, divorce, unemployment, bankruptcy, illness, death of the offender's nearest and dearest).

<sup>this is fiction</sup>It is likely - though hitherto unsubstantiated by research - that the typical pedophile is depressive and with a borderline personality (low organization and fuzzy personal boundaries). <sup>this is fiction</sup>Pedophiles are reckless and emotionally labile. <sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile's sense of self-worth is volatile and dysregulated. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He is likely to suffer from abandonment anxiety and be a codependent or counterdependent.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>Paradoxically, it is by seemingly losing control in one aspect of his life (sex) that the pedophile re-acquires a sense of mastery. <sup>this is fiction</sup>The same mechanism is at work in the development of eating disorders. An inhibitory deficit is somehow magically perceived as omnipotence.

II. Sex with children is corrupt and decadent

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile makes frequent (though unconscious) use of projection and projective identification in his relationships with children. He makes his victims treat him the way he views himself - or attributes to them traits and behaviors that are truly his.

<sup>this is fact</sup>The pedophile is aware of society's view of his actions as vile, corrupt, forbidden, evil, and decadent (especially if the pedophiliac act involves incest). <sup>this is fiction</sup>He derives pleasure from the sleazy nature of his pursuits because it tends to sustain his view of himself as "bad", "a failure", "deserving of punishment", and "guilty".

<sup>this is highly misleading--this is the extension of "The Madonna Complex" onto pedophiles</sup>In extreme (mercifully uncommon) cases, the pedophile projects these torturous feelings and self-perceptions onto his victims. The children defiled and abused by his sexual attentions thus become "rotten", "bad objects", guilty and punishable. This leads to sexual sadism, lust rape, and snuff murders.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>III. Sex with children is a reenactment of a painful past

<sup>this is fact</sup>Many pedophiles truly bond with their prey. To them, children are the reification of innocence, genuineness, trust, and faithfulness - <sup>this is misleading</sup>qualities that the pedophile wishes to nostalgically recapture.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The relationship with the child provides the pedophile with a "safe passage" to his own, repressed and fearful, inner child. <sup>this is fiction</sup>Through his victim, the pedophile gains access to his suppressed and thwarted emotions. <sup>this is fiction</sup>It is a fantasy-like second chance to reenact his childhood, this time benignly. <sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile's dream to make peace with his past comes true transforming the interaction with the child to an exercise in wish fulfillment.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>IV. Sex with children is a shared psychosis

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile treats "his" chosen child as an object, an extension of himself, devoid of a separate existence and denuded of distinct needs. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He finds the child's submissiveness and gullibility gratifying. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He frowns on any sign of personal autonomy and regards it as a threat. <sup>this is fiction</sup>By intimidating, cajoling, charming, and making false promises, the abuser isolates his prey from his family, school, peers, and from the rest of society and, thus, makes the child's dependence on him total.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>To the pedophile, the child is a "transitional object" - a training ground on which to exercise his adult relationship skills. <sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile erroneously feels that the child will never betray and abandon him, therefore guaranteeing "object constancy".

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile – stealthily but unfailingly – exploits the vulnerabilities in the psychological makeup of his victim. <sup>this is fact</sup>The child may have low self-esteem, a fluctuating sense of self-worth, primitive defence mechanisms, phobias, mental health problems, a disability, a history of failure, bad relations with parents, siblings, teachers, or peers, or a tendency to blame herself, or to feel inadequate (autoplastic neurosis). The kid may come from an abusive family or environment – which conditioned her or him to expect abuse as inevitable and "normal". In extreme and rare cases – the victim is a masochist, possessed of an urge to seek ill-treatment and pain.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile is the guru at the center of a cult. <sup>this is fiction</sup>Like other gurus, he demands complete obedience from his "partner". <sup>this is fiction</sup>He feels entitled to adulation and special treatment by his child-mate. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He punishes the wayward and the straying lambs. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He enforces discipline.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The child finds himself in a twilight zone. <sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile imposes on him a shared psychosis, replete with persecutory delusions, "enemies", mythical narratives, and apocalyptic scenarios if he is flouted. <sup>this is misleading</sup>The child is rendered the joint guardian of a horrible secret.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile's control is based on ambiguity, unpredictability, fuzziness, and ambient abuse. <sup>this is fiction</sup>His ever-shifting whims exclusively define right versus wrong, desirable and unwanted, what is to be pursued and what to be avoided. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He alone determines rights and obligations and alters them at will.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The typical pedophile is a micro-manager. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He exerts control over the minutest details and behaviors. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He punishes severely and abuses withholders of information and those who fail to conform to his wishes and goals.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile does not respect the boundaries and privacy of the (often reluctant and terrified) child. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He ignores his or her wishes and treats children as objects or instruments of gratification. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He seeks to control both situations and people compulsively.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile acts in a patronizing and condescending manner and criticizes often. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He alternates between emphasizing the minutest faults (devalues) and exaggerating the looks, talents, traits, and skills (idealizes) of the child. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He is wildly unrealistic in his expectations – which legitimizes his subsequent abusive conduct.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>Narcissistic pedophiles claim to be infallible, superior, talented, skillful, omnipotent, and omniscient. <sup>this is fiction</sup>They often lie and confabulate to support these unfounded claims and to justify their actions. <sup>this is fiction</sup>Most pedophiles suffer from cognitive deficits and reinterpret reality to fit their fantasies.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>In extreme cases, the pedophile feels above the law – any kind of law. <sup>this is fiction</sup>This grandiose and haughty conviction leads to criminal acts, incestuous or polygamous relationships, and recurrent friction with the authorities.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>V. The pedophile regards sex with children as an ego-booster

<sup>this is fiction</sup>Subteen children are, by definition, "inferior". <sup>this is fiction</sup>They are physically weaker, dependent on others for the fulfillment of many of their needs, cognitively and emotionally immature, and easily manipulated. <sup>this is fact</sup>Their fund of knowledge is limited and their skills restricted. <sup>this is fiction</sup>His relationships with children buttress the pedophile's twin grandiose delusions of omnipotence and omniscience. <sup>this is fiction</sup>Compared to his victims, the pedophiles is always the stronger, the wiser, the most skillful and well-informed.

<sup>this is irrelevant</sup>VI. Sex with children guarantees companionship

<sup>this is often true</sup>Inevitably, the pedophile considers his child-victims to be his best friends and companions. <sup>this is fiction</sup>Pedophiles are lonely, erotomanic, people.

<sup>this is fact</sup>The pedophile believes that he is in love with (or simply loves) the child. <sup>this is fact</sup>Sex is merely one way to communicate his affection and caring. But there are other venues.

<sup>this is fact</sup>To show his keen interest, the common pedophile keeps calling the child, dropping by, writing e-mails, giving gifts, providing services, doing unsolicited errands "on the kid's behalf", getting into relationships with the preteen's parents, friends, teachers, and peers, and, in general, making himself available (stalking) at all times. <sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile feels free to make legal, financial, and emotional decisions for the child.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>The pedophile intrudes on the victim's privacy, <sup>this is fiction</sup>disrespects the child's express wishes and personal boundaries <sup>this is fiction</sup>and ignores his or her emotions, needs, and preferences. <sup>this is fiction</sup>To the pedophile, "love" means enmeshment and clinging coupled with an overpowering separation anxiety (fear of being abandoned).

<sup>this is fiction</sup>Moreover, no amount of denials, chastising, threats, and even outright hostile actions convince the erotomaniac that the child not in love with him. <sup>this is often fact</sup>He knows better and <sup>this is mainly impossible in today's world</sup>will make the world see the light as well. <sup>this is often true</sup>The child and his guardians are simply unaware of what is good for the kid. <sup>this is fact</sup>The pedophile determinedly sees it as his or her task to bring life and happiness into the child's dreary and unhappy existence.

<sup>this is fiction</sup>Thus, regardless of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, <sup>this is usually fact</sup>the pedophile is convinced that his feelings are reciprocated - in other words, that the child is equally infatuated with him or her. <sup>this is fiction</sup>He interprets everything the child does (or refrains from doing) as coded messages confessing to and conveying the child's interest in and eternal devotion to the pedophile and to the "relationship".

<sup>this is fact--</sup>Some (by no means all) pedophiles are socially-inapt, awkward, <sup>this is fiction</sup>schizoid, and <sup>this is fiction</sup>suffer from a host of mood and anxiety disorders. <sup>this is fact</sup>They may also be legitimately involved with the child (e.g., stepfather, former spouse, teacher, gym instructor, sibling) - or with his parents (for instance, a former boyfriend, a one night stand, colleagues or co-workers). <sup>this is highly misleading</sup>They are driven by their all-consuming loneliness and all-pervasive fantasies.

<sup>most people react poorly to rejection</sup>Consequently, pedophiles react badly to any perceived rejection by their victims. <sup>this is fiction</sup>They turn on a dime and become dangerously vindictive, out to destroy the source of their mounting frustration. <sup>this is true of all people</sup>When the "relationship" looks hopeless, some pedophiles violently embark on a spree of self-destruction.

<sup>this is fact</sup>Pedophilia is to some extent a culture-bound syndrome, defined as it is by the chronological age of the child involved. <sup>this is fact</sup>Ephebophilia, for instance - the exclusive sexual infatuation with teenagers - is not considered to be a form of pedophilia (or even paraphilia). <sup>this is fact</sup>The very idea of impermissible (and, later, illegal) sex with children has emerged in the West hand in hand with the novel concept of childhood. <sup>this is fact</sup>As Western dominance and values spread globally, so did Western mores and ethics.

<sup>this is fact</sup>In some cultures, societies and countries (<sup>this is fiction--the ages of "consent" vary</sup>Afghanistan, for instance) the age of consent is as low as 12. <sup>this is fact</sup>The marriageable age in Britain until the end of the nineteenth century was 10. <sup>this is fact</sup>Sex and genital foreplay with children was common, encouraged and even medically-prescribed literally all over the world until 150 years ago. <sup>this is fact</sup>Incest and pedophilia were often linked and sanctioned.

<sup>this is highly misleading--''sexual activity'' was not permitted, while ''betrothal'' was permitted </sup>Various religious texts – including the Jewish Talmud, surprisingly progressive for its time – <sup>this is fiction</sup>permit sexual relations, including incest, as early as age 3 (for a girl) or 8 (for a boy). <sup>this is fact</sup>Pedophilia was and is a common and socially-condoned practice in certain tribal societies and isolated communities (the Island of Pitcairn).

<sup>this is just plain stupid--pedophilia ''is'' already defined that way</sup>It would, therefore, be wise to redefine pedophilia as an attraction to or sexual acts with prepubescent children or <sup>this is stupid</sup>with people of the equivalent mental age (e.g., retarded) in contravention of social, legal, and cultural accepted practices.

The committee that is writing the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) is considering to render hebephilia (when adults are sexually attracted to teenagers around the time of puberty) a subtype of pedophilia and to rename it pedohebephilia.

“The rows over hebephilia and paraphilic <sup>this is fiction--no such disorder exists</sup>coercive disorder aren't academic, <sup>this is fact</sup>because 20 US states have passed laws that allow sex offenders who have served their sentences to be detained indefinitely in a secure hospital if they are deemed "sexual predators" (New Scientist, 24 February 2007, p 6). This can only be done if the offenders have a psychiatric disorder that increases their risk of reoffending - which few do, according to DSM-IV. (A critic) says that if hebephilia and paraphilic coercive disorder make it into DSM-V, they will be seized upon to consign men to a lifetime of incarceration.” (New Scientist, “Psychiatry’s Civil War”, December 2009)

2. Sexual Fetishism: The Object is Desire

The sexual fetish is like "the fetich in which the savage sees the embodiment of his god"

S. Freud, "Three Contributions to the Theory of Sex" (1905)

A. The Disorder

<sup>this is conjecture</sup>The propensity to regard and treat other people (caregivers, parents) as objects (to "objectify" them) is an inevitable phase of personal development and growth during the formative years (6 months to 3 years). As psychoanalysis and the Object Relations school of psychology teach us, we outgrow this immature way of relating to our human environment and instead develop a sense of empathy.

<sup>this is conjecture</sup>Yet, some of us remain "fixated" and do not progress into full-fledged adulthood. Arguably the most ostentatious manifestation of such retardation is the sexual paraphilia known as fetishism.

There are three types of fetishes:

<sup>this is fact</sup>I. An inanimate object, usually with a sexual connotation (such as a bra);

<sup>this is fact</sup>II. A body part that is clearly still connected to a complete body, dead or alive (e.g., hair, feet);

<sup>this is fact</sup>III. A reified trait, usually a deformity or idiosyncrasy that implies inferiority, helplessness, or dependence (for instance, a lame, or grotesquely obese, or hunchbacked person).

:::*STOPPING, FOR NOW, LABELING HERE--THE FOLLOWING IS MOSTLY CONJECTURE AND SUPPOSITION

Consequently, there are three categories of fetishism and fetishists:

I. Objective fetishists, for whom the inanimate fetish stands for and symbolizes a desired whole that is out of reach;

II. Somatic fetishists, for whom the body part stands for and symbolizes a coveted human body (and, by extension, a relationship) that is unattainable;

III. Abstract fetishists, who latch on to a trait or a characteristic as a means to indirectly interact with their "defective" bearer and thus fulfill the fetishist's grandiose fantasies of omnipotence and innate superiority (pathological narcissism).

Arguably, people who prefer autoerotic, partialist, necrophilic, coprophilic, urophilic, or anonymous sex are also fetishists with the fetish being their own bodies or the organs or excretions of their sex partners.

Sexual fetishism is predicated on a pathological sexual attachment to a fetish. The fetishist climaxes only in the presence of the fetish and cannot reach orgasm otherwise. In the absence of their fetish, most fetishists are sexually dysfunctional (for instance, they suffer from erectile dysfunction or are sexually hypoactive). Some forms of fetishism involve sado-masochistic and domination/submission fantasies (with fetishes such as feet or boots and shoes).

The circumstances surrounding the sexual encounter are immaterial to the fetishist, as is his environment. Thus, a fetishist who is fixated on bras or feet is unlikely to mind the physical characteristics of the proprietress of either.

This "tunnel vision" is common to other mental health disorders, such as the autistic spectrum, schizophrenic, or somatoform ones. It may indicate the existence of underlying mental health problems or traumas that either give rise or exacerbate fetishism.

Fetishism can be confined to recurrent and intense fantasies and urges, or acted upon (behavioral). It invariably involves masturbation. The fetishist interacts with his fetish in five ways: by watching it (worn by a sex partner or as an isolated item); by holding it; by rubbing it or against it; by smelling it; and by vividly fantasizing about it.

B. Etiology

The fetish has to be "exactly right" in smell, texture, and appearance. Fetishists often go to great length to make sure that their fetish is just "the way it should be". It would seem that fetishes are "triggers", akin to objects that provoke flashbacks and panic attacks in the post-traumatic stress disorder. It stands to reason, therefore, that the same mental mechanism gives rise to both: association of learning.

Memory has been proven to be state-dependent: information learnt in specific mental, physical, or emotional states is most easily recalled in similar states. Conversely, in a process known as redintegration, mental and emotional states are completely invoked and restored when only a single element is encountered and experienced (a smell, a taste, a sight).

In 1877, the French psychologist Alfred Binet (1857-1911) suggested that fetishism is the outcome of a repeated co-occurrence of an object (the fetish) and sexual arousal. The more frequent the association, the more entrenched, persistent, and enhanced it becomes (i.e., the stronger the allure of the fetish and the more secure its exclusivity as a modus of sexual expression).

Behaviorist psychologists largely concurred with Binet, though they preferred to use the term "conditioning", rather than "association". Others (Wilson, 1981) suggested that fetishism is nothing but faulty imprinting. Yet, imprinting has never been demonstrated in humans and fetishists, whatever we may think of their predilections, are human beings.

Fetishes gain in strength when other avenues of sexual gratification are not available owing to extreme shyness, fear of sex, a physiological dysfunction, or socio-cultural inhibitions. Thus, fetishism should be more prevalent in sexually repressive cultures and societies and among women, homosexuals, and other sexual minorities. Yet, fetishism has been noted mostly among men, both homosexual and heterosexual. The phenomenon may go under-reported among women, though.

Western society encourages what the sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld called "partial attractiveness". Women are taught to emphasize certain organs and areas of their body, particular fashion accessories and clothing items, and gender-specific traits. These serve as "healthy and socially-acceptable fetishes" to which males respond.

Other "explanations" of fetishism are so convoluted that they either defy reason or cannot be regarded as science by any stretch of the word. Thus, Freud suggested (Standard Edition, Vol. 21, pp. 147-157, 1927) that fetishism is the outcome of an unresolved castration anxiety in childhood. The fetishist attempts to ward off the lingering stress by maintaining unconsciously that women are really possessed of an occult penis and are, thus, made "whole". Fetishes, in other words, are symbolic representations of phalli.

In his article "Splitting of the Ego in the Process of Defense" (Standard Edition, Vol. 23, pp. 275-8), Freud offered yet another mechanism. He postulated that the fetishist's Ego harbors two coexistent, fully functional, and hermetically sealed "attitudes" towards external reality: one taking the world into account and the other ignoring it.

Adherents of the Object Relations school of psychodynamics, such as Donald Winnicott, consider fetishes to be "transitional objects" that outgrew their usefulness. The fetish originally allowed the child to derive comfort and compensate for the withdrawal of the Primary Object (the mother, or caregiver). Winnicott, too, believes that the fetish amounts to an anxiety-ameliorating substitute for the missing maternal phallus.

3. The Lifestyle (Swinging)

Click HERE to Watch the Video

The Lifestyle involves sexual acts performed by more than two participants whether in the same space, or separately. It is also known as “swinging”, “wife-, or spouse-swapping”, “wife-, or spouse-sharing”, “group sex” and, where multiple people interact with a single person, “gangbanging”. Swinging can be soft (engaging in sexual activity with one’s own intimate partner, but in the presence of others), or hard (having sex not with one’s spouse or mate.) Threesomes (mostly male-female-male or MFM) are the most common configuration.

The psychological background to such unusual pursuits is not clear and has never been studied in depth. Still, thousands of online chats between active and wannabe adherents and fans in various forums reveal 10 psychodynamic strands:

1.    Latent and overt bisexuality and homosexuality: both men and women (but especially women) adopt swinging as a way to sample same-sex experiences in a tolerant, at times anonymous, and permissive environment;

2.    The Slut-Madonna Complex: to be sexually attracted to their spouses, some men need to “debase” and “humiliate” them by witnessing their “sluttish” conduct with others. These men find it difficult to have regular, intimate sex with women to whom they are emotionally attached and whose probity is beyond doubt. Sex is “dirty” and demeaning, so it should be mechanical, the preserve of whorish and promiscuous partners;

3.    Voyeurism and exhibitionism are both rampant in and satisfied by swinging. Oftentimes, those who partake in the Lifestyle document their exploits on video and share photos and saucy verbal descriptions. Amateur porn and public sex (“dogging”) are fixtures of swinging;

4.    Vicarious gratification. “Cuckolds” are (typically male) swingers who masturbate to the sight of their partner having sex with another, usually without actually joining the fray. They derive gratification from and are sexually aroused by the evident pleasure experienced by their significant other: her vocalizations, body language, body fluids, enraptured movements, and orgasm and abandon;

5.    Masochism is a prime motive for a minority of swingers. They relish in their own agony as they watch their spouse hooking up with others: envy, pain, anxiety, a sense of humiliation, an overpowering feeling of worthlessness and inadequacy, sinfulness, debauchery, depravity, and decadence all conspire to thrill the masochist and delight him;

6.    Swinging is also a form of legitimized cheating. It spices up the stale sex lives of the players and neutralized the emotional and financial risks and threats associated with furtive extramarital escapades. Many swingers adopt the Lifestyle in order to alleviate boredom, counter routine, realise sexual fantasies, learn new techniques, feel desirable and attractive once more, and cope with discrepancies in sex drive. They insist: “swinging saved my marriage”;

7.    Some swingers use the Lifestyle to “display” or “exhibit” their partners, casting them as desired and desirable trophies, or status symbols. Others present may sexually “sample the wife” but never own her, a form of restricted access which causes her suitors much envy and frustration. “I am the one who ends up going home with her” – these swingers brag, thus reaffirming their own irresistibility and attractiveness;

8.    The Lifestyle is a rollercoaster of serial relationships, mostly with strangers. It is, therefore, thrilling, risky, and exciting and provokes anxiety, romantic jealousy, and guilt (for having dragged the partner into the Lifestyle, or for not having restrained her). There is also a recurrent fear of losing the partner owing to a growing emotional or sexual bond with one of her casual “F-buddies” or “friends with benefits”. Swinging results in an adrenaline rush, a high, and in addictive periods of calm after these self-inflicted psychosexual storms;

9.    Swinging calls for the objectification of sexual partners. Many swingers prefer to remain anonymous in settings like Lifestyle retreats or group sex and orgies. They are thus reduced to genitalia and erogenous zones enmeshed in auto-erotic and narcissistic acts of masturbatory gratification with other people’s bodies as mere props. Women reported experiencing a new sense of empowerment and mastery as they can finally dictate the terms and conditions of sexual encounters, pick and choose partners, and realize hitherto suppressed sexual fantasies. Other practitioners actually prefer to swing only with close friends, using sex as a form of intimacy-enhancing recreation;

10.Nudity has a pronounced aesthetic dimension and when multiple naked bodies intertwine, the combination can amount to a work of art, a flesh-and-blood throbbing sculpture. Many swingers find sex to be the most supreme form of artistic experience, an interconnectedness that enhances empathy and communication and provides extreme sensual pleasure. It is also great fun: the ultimate in entertainment, where novelty and familiarity merge to yield a unique journey with each new entrant.

http://samvak.tripod.com/pedophilia.html

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder
is a kind of

:    mental disorder
:    mental disorder » Personality Disorder
:    Personality Disorder » Cluster B

Individuals with this Cluster B Personality Disorder have an excessive sense of how important they are. They demand and expect to be admired and praised by others and are limited in their capacity to appreciate others' perspectives.

https://web.archive.org/web/20160310055601/http://behavenet.com/narcissistic-personality-disorder