BoyLovers' codes of ethics

Throughout history, boylovers around the world, and in different eras, have independently--without communicating with each other--developed philosophies and codes of conduct that are remarkably similar to each other. This can be seen in both the Greek and Japanese belief systems. While there is no consensus within the boylove community as to what constitutes the tenets of boylove, various themes have persisted throughout our history.

The Boylover's "Golden Rule"

The vast majority of BoyLovers are (as are the vast majority of all people, whether BoyLovers, or not) ethical people, who wish to do no harm to others. The following is "The BoyLover's Golden Rule":

• "Do unto others (including boys) as you would have them do unto you."

A BoyLover's code of ethics by the psychiatrist Gerard Roelofs of the Netherlands

First, [Roelofs] states: "Above the age of twelve, a sexual relationship with an adult is not necessarily harmful for a child. ‘[M]utuality can be possible, and the interest of the child can have prioity’.

The five criteria for a healthy pedophile relationship

• 1. There should be no coercion;
• 2. The child should be able to stop [the sexual interaction] at any time.
• 3. [Any sexual activity] should be [only] at the psycho-sexual level of the child. In other words: the intimacy has to fit within the sexual feelings of the 12 to 16 year old youngster. ‘One can include mutual masturbation, but not about real hard sado-masochistic games,’ says Roelofs.

He goes on to state, "Two other conditions however, will in most cases form an obstacle for the present-day generation of pedophiles," in Roelofs opinion:

• 4. The parents of the child should know about the relationship [and the sexual aspect of it].
• 5. It should also be a condition that the child can talk about the relationship within his [social] environment, without meeting disapproval.

Source: https://web.archive.org/web/20070927180016/http://www.ipce.info/ipceweb/Library/i_did_not_know.htm

• Errors in the English have been corrected in this reproduction.

A Boylove Code of Ethics (by Dragonlover)

Every man who has an innate love of boys is not necessarily qualified to be a boylover. The role of a boylover in a young boy's life is one of immense responsibility, very much akin to that of a father. The boy's best interest, and his future as well as present well being, must always be of paramount importance to the boylover.

Even in Ancient Greece, where boylove was the norm for several centuries, the boylover was expected to be a man of high moral character. Indeed, it brought shame on the boy and his family if his erastes (lover) was anything less.

Because a man/boy relationship involves two people who love one another, boylove encompasses the entire spectrum of human emotion. Therefore, the sexual aspect is a part of most man/boy relationships, even if that aspect is never consumated. It follows, then, that any boylove code of ethics will deal with the issue of sex in the relationship in a mature and responsible way.

1 - A boylover should do everything possible to protect his young friend from any harm, including exposure or embarrassment from arrest. This could mean abstaining from fully consensual sexual relations if such is illegal in the state or country where the boylover lives.

2 - A boylover should protect his own reputation, so that his young friends will not be hurt or suffer as a result of association with him.

3 - A boylover must be truthful and honest, and never lie to his young friends.

4 - A boylover should not seek intimate contact with a boy, without knowing and understanding the boy's interests and feelings.

5 - Intimacy with a boy should never develop into a sexual relationship without the boy fully consenting and understanding the social, legal, and health implications of the relationship.

6 - Boys should not be treated as sexual objects to be enjoyed at the whim of a boylover.

7 - A boylover must respect the role and authority of a boy's parents and not seek to undermine that role.

8 - A boylover should not provide his young friends with alcohol or drugs, and certainly will never use drugs to weaken a boy's sexual inhibitions, or "to get him into the mood" for sexual intimacy.

9 - A boylover has the responsibility of encouraging and helping a boy to develop his normal heterosexual tendencies, unless the boy confirms that he has an innate homosexual orientation.

10 - A boylover should guide and encourage his young friends to stay in school, avoid crime, and do all he can do to help them to develop a successful career.

11 - A boylover should not "cruise" to pick up strange boys for sexual encounters, because that encourages boys to "hustle" or prostitute themselves.

Another BoyLovers Response to Dragonlover's code of ethics

There is no one set of "criteria" that a person must meet to "qualify" as a BoyLover. Boylovers are men who are emotionally and/or physically attracted to boys. BoyLovers are all kinds of people.

BoyLovers may or may not play a large role in a boy's life. It is not automatically "a large responsibility". Some boys are merely looking for a casual friendship, or for a casual sexual "good time," and not a "heavy-duty" relationship.

The boy's best interest, and his future as well as present well being, should be a priority to the boylover, but it is not the only priority.

What the Greeks did is irrelevant to today's BoyLovers.

Man/boy relationships may take many forms. Some involve deeply loving relationships. Others do not. It should be up to the boy what kind of relationship that he wants, and the man should attempt to be what the boy wishes him to be, but it may not always be possible for the BoyLover to do so.

Not all man/boy relationships are "loving" ones. Sometimes they are just simple friendships.

Yes, a boylover should do anything reasonably possible to protect his young friend from harm, but any exposure or embarrassment from the arrest of the BoyLover may not be under the BoyLover's control. Many BoyLovers who never even had a "sexual relationship" with a boy have still been investigated by the police, and the boy was then exposed and embarrassed by the arrest--and this was done deliberately by the police!

No one knows when their reputation will be attacked by others. There is little that an otherwise normal and ethical BoyLover can do if the BoyLover's reputation is attacked. Some of "the mud slung" will stick to any boys the BoyLover knows.

A BoyLover should try to be truthful and honest, and try not to lie to his young friends, but this is not always possible, and is not always in the best interest of the boy. There are times when it is appropriate to "stretch the truth" with others, especially if it is done to protect the other's feelings.

Yes, a BoyLover should not seek intimate contact with a boy, without knowing and understanding the boy's interests and feelings. But knowing and understanding the other person's feelings is normal behavior to be expected in any kind of relationship between two people.

There is no way for any boy (or anyone else, for that matter) to fully understand the social, legal, and health implications of any relationship, or of any other activity as well. The boy (if he is older than around 10 years old) is already likely to know that society takes a dim view of homosexual relationships, so it may not be necessary to explain that if the relationship is exposed, the boy may suffer some hardships. The BoyLover should not knowingly expose the boy to any disease risks, nor attempt any form of penetration which would be painful for the boy (unless the boy insists on such penetration, but still it may be better for the BoyLover to refuse, and explain exactly why he refuses. Of course, in that case, the boy may just look for another BoyLover who will penetrate him.)

Boys should be treated with respect. On the other hand, some boys like to merely be a sexual object and very much enjoy their status as such.

Whether a BoyLover should engage with the parents is problematic. Sometimes it is better not to engage with the parents, as the parents may automatically forbid the boy to have a relationship with an adult man (or, for another example, for the boy to have a relationship with a Black boy at school, or an Italian boy, etc.) Parents do not "own" their children. Parents are merely the caretakers of their young, and do not have the right to total control of their children.

A BoyLover should use great care and discretion in the case of alcohol or drugs. Generally, he should not be the first one to introduce a boy to, or encourage a boy to take, damaging or illegal substances. But the boy owns his body and it is ultimately up to the boy to decide what he does with his body. A BoyLover, of course, should counsel the boy, warning him of any dangers, etc. that the boy may not be aware of, but it is up to the boy to decide what he wants. The BoyLover does not "own" the boy.

Getting a boy "stoned" in order to perform sexual acts on the boy's body, without the boy knowing that that is the intention of the Boylover, is wrong, as it does not take into consideration what the boy wants. But some boys like and want to take drugs or alcohol before engaging in sexual activity (just as many adults do).

A BoyLover should make it clear to the boy that, because the boy is still young, the boy's sexual preferences are still not firmly fixed. Encouraging a boy to engage in heterosexual experimentation will allow the boy to decide what his own sexual preferences are. When all is said and done, the BoyLover has little to do with how the boy's sexual preferences develop.

Yes, a BoyLover should guide his young friends, and encourage his young friends to stay in school, and to avoid crime, and the BoyLover should do all he reasonably can to help them to develop successful careers.

Some boys go cruising just for sex (just as some men do), and some boys go cruising for sex which they also can also earn some money for engaging in. The problem is not whether the boy receives money or not for engaging in sexual activity. The problem is what the boy does with the money he receives. If the boy uses the money to buy hard drugs, that is not a good thing. If the boy uses the money to take his girlfriend out on a date, that may very well be a very good thing.

Otherwise, I agree with everything that Dragonlover said.

See also

• High Boylover Priesthood "The High Boylover Priesthood is a phrase used on BoyChat to refer to people who attempt to define who is or is not a "real" boylover. [...]"
• Philosophy of responsible boylove
• Philosophy of Greek pederasty
• Wakashudō
• Child prostitution A "work in progress," with some very messy sections (my apologies).

External links

• The Golden Rule (Wikipedia article)