User:Meco

From BoyWiki

Holotropic Homosexuality

Name: Halvor (Raknes)
Nationality: Norwegian
Address: Herregårdsveien 6K, Oslo, Norway
Email: a22112216@yahoo.com
Phone: none
Age: 60
AOA: 13-17 (actually, I just like boys, any age, as long as the present boyness in large amounts)
Religion: Thelemic Abraxian Apotheosis

Intro

I am a devoted servant of God. I work with God. I am God. I am in God. If you can relate to or wish to relate to this quaternity, you will be able to entertain a relationship with me.

I consider myself to be a mononymous person, i.e. Halvor is the only full name I recognize for myself.

My background with respect to boys and sex

Ever since I attained puberty I was attracted to and sexually aroused by the sight/thought of boys (pubescent, not prepubescent). So, with the money I got for my 13th birthday I ran downtown and bought myself a Super 8 mm film projector and two 10 min flics, one with two boys, 14 and 15 years old, and one with a boy, about the same age, who as a boy scout knocks on the door of an older woman (in order to sell something or rather) who subsequently seduces him. After this I continued to be a high-volume consumer of gay pornography with a preference for pubescent boys. Before the Internet started up and I got on it (in early 1994), I had never before encountered child pornography. It did not take long before I discovered the gay porn channels on IRC with names such as #gayteengifs. I purchased a 28k8 leased line around 1995-96 to enable me to remain online 24/7. So I started to collect erotic and pornographic photos of boys, still no prepubescent. As I gradually became aware that there was a pedophiliac presence on the net, I looked this up out of curiosity and genuine interest for what this was all about. It was subsequent to this that I began accepting a few images that went below, agewise, what I had previously received. Due to the illicit nature of this trade and the high level of paranoia in the men who had a particular interest in this, I closed off a part of my then FTP site for such trade, giving out separate access to people who were particularly interested in exchanging either nude photos of prepubescent boys (aroused or not), photos showing such young boys engaged sexually with each other, or pictures of adult men having sex with these young boys. With regards to the legal pictures, they were of the same kind that I presented openly in image galleries on my personal home page, which I believe had 800,000 visitors as early as 1995. I did charge money for access to my “legal” connection from people who weren’t trading (remember that this all started as a trader-collector activity on IRC using the DCC protocol), I believe $25 for six months access (I don’t remember exactly). My gains from this approximately covered my expenses for the leased phone line, that’s how I justified to myself taking that money. And since all the people who ever had access to the youngest pictures were already into this activity of exchanging (or trading, as the term was, it was a fully reciprocal process) them, pay was never considered. Besides, I was quite conscious that there were ethical considerations involved, not to mention criminal, so I did not want to provide access to this material to people that were not already into this. All my child pornographic images were hidden on my hard drive by an encryption protocol which in some respects is similar to PGP, which was called SFS- Secure File System. So, when I was arrested in November 1998 and all my computers impounded, the police were never able to find this material. The reason for my arrest was somewhat unrelated to this. It involved a burnt CD which contained heterosexual porn which some teenage boys who had been in my apartment asserted that they had received from me. That CD was an anomaly as I had never cared for naked women or girls. It had been left (forgotten maybe) by a teenage boy whom I had become acquainted with, and when some other teenage boys (a little younger, around 14) were in my home, they discovered it and asked if they could borrow it. Not giving that matter much thought I said fine. I was convicted in the lower courts for having made illegal pornography available to minors, however, when the case was appealed, I was acquitted as it became unclear whether the CD presented in court was the same which I had had in my apartment (and which I had barely glanced at).

Backlash

So, consequently, my enthusiasm for Internet pornography waned rapidly. In fact, I experienced what can probably best be described as pornography exhaustion. Having abused my eroticism with audiovisual voyeurism through pornography for my entire adult life, I experienced a spiritual dearth where my life had become very bland, I hadn’t had any dreams for years, and I was completely deprived of the ability to make visualizations in my mind. And, I lost my sexual drive to a significant, and to me alarming, degree. In fact, I went to see a sexologist. He in turn prescribed psychotherapy, and for a few years I regularly went to see a shrink to try and untangle my life and gain some sort of purpose and direction and, meaning. Probably an important factor for the big changes that were then to take place in my life also was my having begun to experiment with cannabis in 1997, at the age of 33. Through 2003 I did a lot of this drug. In the meanwhile I also tried out ecstacy and amphetamine, and I discovered House music.

Spiritual rebirth

Until my first experiments with illegal, recreational drugs, I had little experience with either bliss, ecstasy or had any spiritual or religious experiences. That is, I have since come to clearyl realize that I did in fact have a seminal spiritual experience, probably when I was around 4 years old.

I'm sitting or lying on a bright green lawn, all senses infused with the richness of the fresh grass. Then I remember seeing spheres, but not in the same location as I had been. I was in a completely different space surrounded by iridescent spheres, reminding me of soap bubbles, but different, perhaps more solid. Also there was order, the spheres being of varying sizes, I think, and geometry and symmetry. I had the strong feeling that this was a separate reality. a deeper level reality than the everyday world I am used to…

The memory of this experience fade as childhood wanes and I only remember this incident decades later in connection with my waking up spiritually.

1997, I'm 33 years old, it's Easter, at a huge computer party outside Oslo, several thousand adolescent boys mostly. I've been immersed in this community since 1993 when I was finishing my studies to become a registered nurse, which coincided with me buying my first PC and the


more to come…

About my current work

I was the leader of an atheist organization here in Norway. That was in the mid-90s. The following years I moved into areas of being off the beaten track, having several extraordinary experiences. In fact, by the early 2000s I set myself one goal (among many) of making an exhaustive catalog of states of human consciousness. I began investigating the deep basis of various religious and spiritual traditions, while all the time pondering the concept of God and the notion of a foundation of reality upon which everything else is structured. I did this mostly with the adjuvant use of cannabis, but later also extremely profound breathing techniques. The latter granted me on one particular occasion (in the fall of 2004) an amazing visionary tour of the ontology of pedophilia, which made me see the core of the phenomenon even to the extreme of males who are inescapably attracted to toddlers and babies in ways that will end them up with repeated and very long prison sentences. By 2005 I had amassed a convergent perception of the godhead as a moving target which could not be inspected or beheld but only approached through an organic process which also made the life of the subject converge with the full spectrum of life energies permeating the universe. (Remember that Reich showed how the sexual energy is a preeminent manifestation of the life energy.)

By 2005 my working method had also found its final, and present, form in applied Reichian sex economy, making both the use of psychoactive substances and structured breathing techniques deprecated (and being far superior to any methodical meditational or yogic practices). And by then I had also realized that what I was doing was in fact the manifestation of the immanentizing of the eschaton. In explicit terms, that "God" was going to make himself unequivocally manifest in the world with myself as the focal point (you could also say that the Son of God was being born into the world as God the Father (the Creator) at the same time abdicated his throne - this is explained in some detail on the page about Holotropic homosexuality).

From late 2003 until about 2008-9 (when it ceased its open activities - largely due to my participation, I suspect) I was an active member of the gnostic congregation here in the Norwegian capital. Through this communal interface, but combined with my studies of various esoteric communities, I acquired a deep-seated understanding of the common basis for all esoteric/occultist/mystical practices. In particular, it was contrasting this with what I had learned from the teachings of Wilhelm Reich (in particular from my great grandfather's perspicacious popularizing accounts, he was a close and long-term associate of Reich) with the common basis of all these traditions which pervades all the world's power structures, that I realized that these had now all been defeated and that they were going to find themselves hierarchically subordinated to myself.

Now that's the stuff megalomania, self-aggrandizement and savior complexes are made of, some would surely object. Well, I'm not psychotic in the very least, I'm soundly anchored in consensus reality, at least to the extent necessary for social interaction on a rational basis (which doesn't necessarily equate with no conflicts). I'm not the least bit neurotic. In fact, my mental and emotional health is unblemished, and I have the capacity to endure psychological stress far beyond other people. With my now clearly realized vocation always in mind, I am therefore readily positioning myself, time and time again, into precipitous locations, knowing full well that my task is to evoke the incongruous, conflicted energies and subjugate them, concurrently absorbing and integrating their ideological and emotional components, and as a corollary making my unchallengeable status acutely emblazoned on erstwhile power holders.

How do I know I hold the attention of these would-be esoteric power elites? The answer is two-fold: firstly, through my dreams. Since the beginning of 2004 (ostensively) I have had a panoply of bizarre dreams fitting into several fairly clear-cut categories. One of these categories is attack dreams where I am being subjected to traumatizing events, some of these have the, to me, rather clear signatures of military intelligence or some of the esoteric communities. Another category brings me inside these closed elites to experience practices and from a first-person perspective the ideologies and emotional structures of their top echelons. It is all very elucidating, but of course, it is all also eminently deniable. Well, it really doesn't matter, what I am doing is not contingent on ordinary people believing what I say to be true and supporting me. My power comes from these elites themselves as they voluntarily yield to the ultimate presence of the coming manifestation of God. What is the second factor which grants me certitude? Well, logic actually. It all fits into the cosmology and cosmogony which I have realized. Although I don't have all details, nor all the connections, in place, I do apprehend the extremes (and have a realization of contiguity). And they are the connections between God, man and the universe. Not always, and not at any one instance exhaustively (at least not yet), and specifically not on demand, but certainly when I am inspired and incentivized to do so, I am able to explain lucidly to any somewhat intelligent person how these matters come together.

This brings us to BoyWiki and the Boylover community. Pedophilia lives vibrantly among the world's power elites. They practice intergenerational sexual relations with impunity which they deny everyone not belonging to their elite hierarchies. The world is growing increasingly aware of this reality. Now I am here to work these energy matrices. Those who wish to be part of the solution need to align with my process and what I represent.

My position towards the BL community and its activists in particular

I am sympathetic to this cause/movement in much the same way that I am to nationalists/Nazis. Meaning, I agree that we/you are both being victimized and that your opponents are irrational and/or vicious. However, my diagnosis goes a lot deeper than yours, and I'm ready to elaborate on this assertion to anyone who's interested in it. I am convinced that we are on the threshold of transitioning out of the current paradigm across the board. I can see this quite clearly, and I am on the vanguard of this imminent event. You are attempting to revision and reform the incumbent paradigm. I see no point in doing that, for the reason I just stated.

Thus, my interest is completely absent when it comes to law issues, or advocacy, or resistance. I am interested in apprehending deeper perspectives, both from the protagonist as well as the antagonist camps. I am interested in the deep triggers where psychology becomes blurred with and becomes overtaken by ontology. I already comprehend much of the overall dynamics that are in play in the world at this time. I'll volunteer one of the core ones as being the conflict between the genders. The "handling" of male homosexuality through social engineering and the blatant suppression of child sexuality and intergenerational sexual relations are the most critical corollaries of this conflict, the war on masculinity similarly. I don't see any sign of an awareness of these connections among the communities touching on the present one. That's detrimental in my opinion.

Online presence:

Links

In English

In Norwegian

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